The Movie Jaws On Different TV Channels


  • Lifetime: The shark only attacks women.
  • Spike: Shark only attacks topless women who have just gone for a swim in the ocean to clean off after mud wrestling.

  • CNN: Billions For Iraq, Why No Money For Shark Defense?

  • Fox News Channel: Bill O'Reilly complains that the shark won't come on the No Spin Zone.

  • ABC Family: The Olsen Twins make friends with the shark, and it becomes a Protector of the Dolphins.

  • Disney Channel: Shark eats Bambi's mother.

  • Weather Channel: Shark makes a lunge at Meteorologist Stephanie Abrams, who is on shore covering a hurricane. The shark misses, and is promptly harpooned by Meteorologist Jim Cantore.

  • CBS: Special 48 Hours report on how George W Bush skipped out on shark duty in the National Guard.

  • PBS: Special Frontline Report: "Sharks vs The Creationists"

  • Sci-Fi: George Takei sets his phaser on "Sushi" on the latest Star Trek series spin-off

  • Court TV: Forensic evidence shows that it wasn't a shark at all, but a love triangle gone bad.

  • History Channel: Hitler's Plan to invade the American East Coast with a race of super sharks.

  • ESPN: "Top Ten Greatest Shark Attacks"

  • ABC: Brings back the Wide World of Sports for the Barney Cipriani Memorial Cliff Diving & Shark Escape Championship. Live from Acupulco.

  • TLC: Re-decorate your shark-fishing boat for under $1000.

  • Animal Planet: That Steve Irwin guy keeps irritating the shark until it swims out to sea.

  • Bravo: Four gay friends on their annual sponge-collecting outing encounter the shark and kill it. The grateful townsfolk of Amity reconsider their homophobia.

  • MTV: Ashlee Simpson gives you her thoughts about the movie, such as they are.

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